Betty and I have been involved in a discernment process about the next chapter of our lives for far too long. It’s been a humbling, trying process and I’m ready for it to be done. Earlier today I read this quote from Thomas Merton that echoed the messy mix in my soul, of head and heart, desire and reason, confusion and conviction, ending in a hard-learned trust in God’s goodness.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in everything I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire and I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude.